Wednesday, 10 October 2018
getting up again
Its about time to start writing again...
tonight I reminded a friend of the idea that it doesnt matter how often we fall, but only how many times we get up again and how.
And of course how it is with those kind of things... you are actually telling it to yourself :)
So dear Juliana never forget that!!! And you are so much stronger then you think you are are.
And you will fall again soon. Dont worry. but you will get up again too!
Its time for me to step up and stand into my own power. Stand in the middle of my fire.
And I never want to loose my compassionate self and ability to hope and trust in the good of people, no matter how often they fuck up.
Aho
:-)
Thursday, 26 January 2012
on our way to a little qute cottage...
Few days ago we moved from our favourite valley in Huelo to Kula, renting a room temporarily while looking for OUR place.
Its having nature around it, a place for a garden close by, flowing water, a possibility for hot showers, if possible internet access.
It will cost around 700 USD and I can have as many guests as I want to and the landlord is happy with this.
It will have just a few moskitos and when you come home you feel warm in your heart!!!
Avra kaadabra - I create while I speak. Amen - so it be it!
:-)
Its having nature around it, a place for a garden close by, flowing water, a possibility for hot showers, if possible internet access.
It will cost around 700 USD and I can have as many guests as I want to and the landlord is happy with this.
It will have just a few moskitos and when you come home you feel warm in your heart!!!
Avra kaadabra - I create while I speak. Amen - so it be it!
:-)
acting out of love
One of my new year resolution was to more consciously try to act of love and not out of fear. Speak out of love and not of anger.
So what do you do, if you really feel hurt and everything inside of you wants to go into defensive mode? you want to build a wall around yourself, so nothing can touch you ever again, you wanna destroy everything around you that has caused this pain, you feel so lonely and actually all you want is that someone takes you in their arm and just hold you or talk to you.
It takes a lot of energy to keep a crack in this wall, where eventually the sun can enter again, roots of flowers will break it more open and you allow the world be part of you again. It takes so much strength to not let yourself be overwhelmed with all the feelings. To be there for them, because they are there - anger , hate, loneliness, fear, despair.... - look at them, acknowledge them and then find a good distance and let love be the ruler of your actions.
And as more you do this, as easier it will get to win this battle. And very important, if you loose it once in a while to be gentle with your self and forgive yourself and not give up, and try again and again.
Acting out of love doesnt mean to disrespect yourself, its good to keep healthy boundaries, it means to ask yourself again and again the question "what would love say and do right now?" and allow a little sunray coming to a crack in the wall to tickle your nose...
So what do you do, if you really feel hurt and everything inside of you wants to go into defensive mode? you want to build a wall around yourself, so nothing can touch you ever again, you wanna destroy everything around you that has caused this pain, you feel so lonely and actually all you want is that someone takes you in their arm and just hold you or talk to you.
It takes a lot of energy to keep a crack in this wall, where eventually the sun can enter again, roots of flowers will break it more open and you allow the world be part of you again. It takes so much strength to not let yourself be overwhelmed with all the feelings. To be there for them, because they are there - anger , hate, loneliness, fear, despair.... - look at them, acknowledge them and then find a good distance and let love be the ruler of your actions.
And as more you do this, as easier it will get to win this battle. And very important, if you loose it once in a while to be gentle with your self and forgive yourself and not give up, and try again and again.
Acting out of love doesnt mean to disrespect yourself, its good to keep healthy boundaries, it means to ask yourself again and again the question "what would love say and do right now?" and allow a little sunray coming to a crack in the wall to tickle your nose...
Monday, 16 January 2012
the power of being there for each other, sometimes without knowing...
its so easy to be tricked into a mode of not feeling loved, feeling unsafe and sad. once in it you feel attacked all the time and defend yourself by hurting other people attacking them. You observe yourself from above knowing that this is not the real you, the one that wants to do things out of love and not out of fear, the you that can forgive and always feels safe and loved, because we are! And then you want to get yourself out of this, but its almoust as if you are trapped and as much as you try it just gets worse.
And then a phone call comes in of a very good friend, who experiences a huge panic fear attack and cannot sleep on the otehr side of the world, so we pray together the Lords prayer and all of the sudden it roots me back into my higher being. So in my time of biggest need, the need of this friend uniting us to pray for protection was my salvation. You didnt know this when you called, but you saved me in this moment. Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then a phone call comes in of a very good friend, who experiences a huge panic fear attack and cannot sleep on the otehr side of the world, so we pray together the Lords prayer and all of the sudden it roots me back into my higher being. So in my time of biggest need, the need of this friend uniting us to pray for protection was my salvation. You didnt know this when you called, but you saved me in this moment. Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
coconut for breakfast
fresh coconut for breakfast makes my day worth to get up for :-)
yesterday I really felt the jetleg and the tiredness creeping on me. But I still managed to go to town to buy some food for the next month, jumping into the ocean on the way with caca, letting the sun shine on my big belly. Also checked on ads for rent -
Dear Universe, we are looking for a great little place that we can call home for a while, a place where we feel the baby can come and is safe, has a little garden space for vegetables etc. and some uncomplicated space for visitors to come.
I now we will find it very soon. Thank you!
new sunny day with beautyful clouds and shade under trees, thanks for embracing my life.
yesterday I really felt the jetleg and the tiredness creeping on me. But I still managed to go to town to buy some food for the next month, jumping into the ocean on the way with caca, letting the sun shine on my big belly. Also checked on ads for rent -
Dear Universe, we are looking for a great little place that we can call home for a while, a place where we feel the baby can come and is safe, has a little garden space for vegetables etc. and some uncomplicated space for visitors to come.
I now we will find it very soon. Thank you!
new sunny day with beautyful clouds and shade under trees, thanks for embracing my life.
Saturday, 14 January 2012
welcome new day
My first full day in Maui pregnant. I feel full of energy in the morning, after some oatmeal with jam and doing some phonecalls with my family back in Europe I went for a walk and managed to catch Heidi before she had to go to work.
She is a bundel of energy doing 3 jobs at the moment but lovong it and all the learning it is bringing.
Then I continued my stroll with Caca down to Stevo’s land, where Dave and I used to live last year. It feels a bit like home down there knowing all the corners etc. Its all new people living there. I found Gabe, the owners son and got 20 coconuts from him. JUMMM ☺
Figuring out that Caca doesn’t know how to drive a car, made me of course give him some driving classes on our bumpy road, he radiated –
Lunch, taking a nap, walking to the pools with Caca, deciding not to swimm, because the water was to cold for me and him, starting to prepare dinner for Dave coming home after work. He brought Scotty (he sed to live wth us at Stevos land last year) as a surprise guest. Just before 10 they left to go dancing in Casanovas in Makawao, and Dave and I left to go to sleep ending up in a really inportant conversation about our relationship, understanding, trust, that wasn’t easy but we handeled it pretty good in the end.
And I managed to sleep almoust through the whole night, just woke up really early to singing birds and being held in Daves arms. Welcome new day
She is a bundel of energy doing 3 jobs at the moment but lovong it and all the learning it is bringing.
Then I continued my stroll with Caca down to Stevo’s land, where Dave and I used to live last year. It feels a bit like home down there knowing all the corners etc. Its all new people living there. I found Gabe, the owners son and got 20 coconuts from him. JUMMM ☺
Figuring out that Caca doesn’t know how to drive a car, made me of course give him some driving classes on our bumpy road, he radiated –
Lunch, taking a nap, walking to the pools with Caca, deciding not to swimm, because the water was to cold for me and him, starting to prepare dinner for Dave coming home after work. He brought Scotty (he sed to live wth us at Stevos land last year) as a surprise guest. Just before 10 they left to go dancing in Casanovas in Makawao, and Dave and I left to go to sleep ending up in a really inportant conversation about our relationship, understanding, trust, that wasn’t easy but we handeled it pretty good in the end.
And I managed to sleep almoust through the whole night, just woke up really early to singing birds and being held in Daves arms. Welcome new day
Friday, 13 January 2012
Maui 2012
so its the 3rd time now that I am arriving in Maui. This time with a big pointy belly, which form is changing according to how the baby moves inside.
Dave picket me up from the airport. Its was a long flight from Basel via London and LA to Maui. Luckily I could stop one night in LA to see my sister + family.
After buying some yummmies to eat in our favourite local store Mana, we went straight to "our" beach in Paia, where you can swim naked. The first people we run into were 3 goddesses. One of them I knew and after some seconds I recognized her - Gabriele, whom I met in 2006 in Dornach and last year in Maui - she is a shining radiating woman, I will take her as a good symbol for my arrival :-)
On the way out of the ocean a big wave took Dave and me and threw us on the beach - never leave the ocean waves unattented :-) but luckily nothing happened.
After a nap in Daves beautyful little Dome, listening to the birds and palm trees moving in the wind we went to the bee study group in Haiku, where I met some old friends again.
To complete the day and say Hi to some more people we stopped at Heidis on teh way back and surprised Caca, my brazilian friend who is visiting Maui for a month.
Even if I have a really great little room for my self for the next 2 weeks - it was good to be with Dave and sleep in his little lofty place. The new day began beuatyful with sunshine, good shower, oatmeal and lots of peace and calmness.
Dave picket me up from the airport. Its was a long flight from Basel via London and LA to Maui. Luckily I could stop one night in LA to see my sister + family.
After buying some yummmies to eat in our favourite local store Mana, we went straight to "our" beach in Paia, where you can swim naked. The first people we run into were 3 goddesses. One of them I knew and after some seconds I recognized her - Gabriele, whom I met in 2006 in Dornach and last year in Maui - she is a shining radiating woman, I will take her as a good symbol for my arrival :-)
On the way out of the ocean a big wave took Dave and me and threw us on the beach - never leave the ocean waves unattented :-) but luckily nothing happened.
After a nap in Daves beautyful little Dome, listening to the birds and palm trees moving in the wind we went to the bee study group in Haiku, where I met some old friends again.
To complete the day and say Hi to some more people we stopped at Heidis on teh way back and surprised Caca, my brazilian friend who is visiting Maui for a month.
Even if I have a really great little room for my self for the next 2 weeks - it was good to be with Dave and sleep in his little lofty place. The new day began beuatyful with sunshine, good shower, oatmeal and lots of peace and calmness.
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