Hawaii report

still digesting.
come back in a week, I hope I have a story for you then.
I am back in Alaska by now.
more soon.

I am here to learn

I went back to the north side of the island to see my family one more time. to see pics of us sailing click
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=168615&l=14e43&id=750245222
I got a ride with a great local boy all the way here.
To day I was on the computer the whole day, going through 400 emails of Joshua looking for great quotes he send me during the last year. This process helped me a lot to see where I am, how my journey started with Global passageways and to accept that I am not in the core team anymore. And that all is good. I am going my path no meatter what. And I still can give all my love to this initiative, just in another way then I thought. And I am really greatful for his love all this time.

I am here to learn.

kalani & Chris

The other day we meet Kalani, a hawaiian leader. He is full on fire and connected to our cause. His friend Chris is a true community builder and something strong connects us. Joshua, Andrew and me had a thai dinner with them.
Its so powerful to see how the positiv attitude of one man can make EVERYONE feel so happy and empowered. just through the simple fact of being who you are and looking at the positiv of the other person.

Beth

I finally found the number of Beth. She is one of my marriaged aunts. I havent seen her and her 2 daughters for 8 years and it happens that they live very close to Jim Shannons place. Andrew one of the volunteers and me spend the night there.
Lots of alaska stories. And wow my cousin Maya has grown up. Its amazing and good to meet them. it gives me more confident when I am around family.
then we hitch hike back to Hilo. many different people: local drunk boys and rich tourists pick us up. We manage to get back to Hilo just in time before the farmers market is closing.
Thank you universe!

Jim Shannon

Jim Shannon is an amazing Storyteller I meet last year in Colorado and lives on the Big Island in a small community in "paradise" called Artesia.
We spent 2 days at his place, he is helping with the preparation for global passageways as well.
besides being eaten up by mosquitos I manage to center myself at his place. I finally take some time wo work on a poem and some storytelling.
Its a good place to be.

first week in Hawaii

Arriving. tanking sunlight. get up everyday before sunrise. drink fresh coconut milk every day so far, swimm in the ocean every other day.
meet old and new friends. learn more about perma culture. go to the farmers market. trying to find my place and task in the preparing for the meeting at the end of november (gobalpassageways.org)
crying laughing dancing love threwing-up headache sleepyness connecting breathing forgiving processing hitch-hiking sailing talkin-stories living being...

Its my path with all its crazy and miraculus encounters.

transfer to Hawaii

I got a ride to Anchorage with a friend of my cousin Connie. Snow on the Homestead, Snowstorm on the way. Great little house in Anchorage that gave me the chance to take a hot shower finally after a few days without any, washing my hair and getting some computer typing done.
I forgot my purse in Homer, so I just have 2 USD left. She lends me 20USD. Luckily I have my passport with me, so I can fly to Hawaii.
I am very tired. the plane leaves at 2 AM, stopps in Seattle. I have a 7 hour layover in Honululu. And yes I remember Hawaii. My body remembers the smell, the air.
I am happy. I take a bus to Waikiki. drink my first fresh Coconut water and do some emails.
In the evening a one hour flight to the Big Island. Joshua and his friend Riisa pick me up, I get a Lei.
I still cannot believe that I am here. I just had snow around me.
And I am so happy to be gone. The family in Alaska was a little too intense in the end.
But I am looking forward in going back there still.
Aloha Hawaii.

family politics

We finally told everyone of the Kilcher family about our plan: to stay in Homer over the Winter and start a organic garden farming project in spring. Using this coming year as a period of experiemnting and learning. My aunts and uncles have so much knowledge. We preferable want to use horses to plow fields and stuff and also make a little CSA with the garden products.
If everything goes good, the family agrees and we still want to stay in Alaska we would prepare a 5 year plan to really do farming with animals etc. FOr now just a farm garden.
Everyone likes the idea. But there is some protokol to follow. Everyone need to vote on it. We have to write a proposal, also one for us staying in the cabin at the Homestead. This is possible under special conditions, all the 8 sisters and brothers ahve to agree on.
And before I know I am in the middle of trying to please everyone, doing politics with my own family. Even joining a anual family meeting with voting proxies for my mom on other issues (money, taxes etc) I have to start to educate myself about all the Trusts and laws and rules that are connected to the Kilcher Homestead.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
am i really going to be able to have a silent year in Alaska?
It looks like there is a job (not paid of course) waiting for me to jump in. But do I really want to facilitate and organise and get more projects going there? Now? maybe in a year... my brain goes round and round..... there is so much potential.
I totally get sucked in to the dynamics. trying to not promise anything I wount be able to keep. It a great chance and challenge to learn to set clear boundaries for my self, always try to see the positive and dont start talking negative right away. To become humble. Work with my need for attention. Do the things I really want to do.
And hey, there are so many other beautyful places in thi sworld that need attention, connection and care and also have potential in them.
I hope I will never forget this and also be able to bring some of the world back to the Homestead and not get swallowed by it, because isolated it will never fullfill its purpose.
Courage!

2 weeks in Homer

It feels a little bit like coming home already. My aunt Mossy gives Dave and me a ride to the Homestead. We have ~ 2 weeks in front of us to connect with the land, with ourselves and the family.
Time is flying by. We do walks, finish up putting fence posts on the property, dig potatos and give all kilchers a share, talk about the future, open up, learn to trust each other more, cook with the wood stove, dave even manages to make bread...
I try to get up every morning before sunrise to greet the sun and drink a glass of water. One day I do a little one day / one night fire fasting ceremony on Stellaveras house side, I still need to become more confident in what I am doing in such situations. Its a start. To make sacred fires is something I promised to LEading Earth Woman from the Mohawk tribe. Dave is with me most of the time, the evening I am by my self. I just drink water. I become so week. I didnt believe that this would happen. I hardly make it up the hill the next morning and I am also not able to eat the jummy breakfast Dave made for me. Eggs, potatos, hot choclate etc. The breakfast I was dreaming about but didnt tell him and he did it. but my stomache cannot handle it right away. I need a whole day to recover. the next day I feel the strength coming back. And something in my heart is singing.

Fairbanks

PRE:
In Winter 2006 / 07 I meet an Alaskan family with 6 kids traveling through europe for educational reasons and visited the Goetheanum in Dornach, Switzerland. Reminded of the stories of my mom in ~ 1957, when her family from Alaska was traveling with 6 kids through Switzerland I did anything I could for them.
It was a bit before X-mas and despite being very busy I showed them around and had a wonderful time. They came back in new year and we even managed to do a Acrobalance show together at the Initiative meeting of the youthsection.
The 2 oldest girsl, May and Michelle came the next summer to join the South Dakota Workcamp "Building a strawbale house for the Lakota waldorf school".

So now I wante dto visit them together with Dave, because he knew the girls as well.
Up there the fall had come already, yello trees everywhere. It was so beautyfull. Hitchhiking was ok, we did have to wait though once for more then 2 hours to get a ride. It was Marys Birthdaypaty and we wanted to surprise her, just the mom knew we would come. We made just in time for the cake.
It was so good to see them all again.
The youngest one, now 4 years old, was so qute, that I totally fall in love with him and he with me. HAd lots of fun together with all the kids. they just had moved to a knew house.
Lisa and Dorin, the parents, are great people to talk about Anthroposophy about. And they are really very eager to bring Anthroposphy alive in Alaska, which is great.
They took us the next day to thir friends, who have a organic bio dynamic garden with vegetables that are so big you dont believe when you see them the first time. the Kohlrabi is as big as your head.
In the evening they took us to a hot spring. Hot vulcano water in the middle of Alaska Mauntains. In the winter it must be even more amazing with ice and snow around and the northern lights above you.
The next morning we visited a small tiny little Anthroposophical Library. In the middle of the wildernis. And they had the biography of D.N.Dunlop. Tee book I always wanted to read. And I could take it with me to Homer. Its one of the best books ever to undersatnd the beginnings of Anthroposophy and those times at the turning of the last century.
We hitch hiked back all the way to Anchorage, mainly driving with a Israeli with very interesting thoughts about the whole conflict in Palestine and lots of knowledge about the old days. So I could ask him al lthe questions I ever had about Judaism etc. and he could answer all of them :-)

back in Alaska, Anchorage

It was time to go back. I had missed Dave the last days in Toronto very much. I wanted to celebrate my 7th year birthday after my car accident on Sept 17th in 2001 with my self, thinking to my sister Geraldine who was with me then. So I did some nice things for my self this day, even managed to get some Taco Bell 7 layer Burrito to eat.
But I missed Dave.
So there I was, arriving in Anchorage once again. My first round trip from and to Alaska.
He picked me up from the airport, it was so nice to see him again. His hugs are amazing good feeling.
We stayed at a friends house, Fleischers. They are great people, very political involved and awake. We also meet their daughter and kids who go to an Waldorf inspired Charter school on Anchorage. Good connections.
he next night we spent at Art Davidsons house. And then decided to Hitch hike to Fairbanks to see my Alaska family I meet almoust 2 years ago in Switzerland.

Maria Helms

the world is small. Through Dave I got an address of a family that lives in Toronto. It was the sister of Almuth I had also meet in Konstanz. And then I find out it is aria Helm, the ex wife of my first english teacher. Wow, and Raffaela and her sister Goia were there to. She works as a Eurythmie Teacher in the Toronto Waldorfschool.
SO i had to go and see them. Had some good dinner with them and good talks.
:-)
the world is small, so many connections....

Turtle Bag

In 2005, when I visited South Dakota the first time, I fell in love with a bag made of leather and turtle shell. Because I couldnt afford it at that time, my native family took me to a wild life refugee camp, and then after ~ 2 hours of walking around Little Sun found the first Turtle Shell. So I got one ad promised myself to make a bag out of it one day.
After the Retreat at Dianes, I went to see Grandpa Gil 4 hours north of Toronto, who was good in leather work ad helped me to start the turtle bag. We had some disagreements of how it should look like, but managed to get somewhere. It was very emotional for me, because I carried the material for 3 years around the world to do the bag, and then finally cutting the leather wasnt that easy. Anyway I hope I will take time to finish it when I am in Alaska.
After that day I hitch hiked back to Toronto.

WSYC Toronto

On our last day together, we went to Toronto and meet in the Interfaith Center.
Diane and her people made a ceremony for all of us and all the guests (about 100 people, lots of young people as well) and then other religions were introduced. Then all of us from the WSYC had to introduce ourselves. Then we split in small groups and all of us from the WSYC facilitated one of them. Talking about their questions, stories, spirituality. It was a very freeing atmosphere. In the end some kids were performing for us and we presented the essence of our conversations.
Another meeting was planned and announced to see if the people who would come to the second one would like to start something like the WSYC Toronto.
The day ended with an amazing meal at a friends house of Terry and then us sleeping at the Scarborough Missions.
I didnt manage to say good bye to Diane, but I guess I will see her again in Hawaii soon.

Father Terry from Scarborough Missions

Father Terry, A catholic Priest from Scarborough MIssions from Toronto was one of the people who had invited us for this retreat.
It is always amazing to me to see how he takes in all those accusations f the native of what the missions had done to their people and him asking for apologize, and also acting according to his words.
The passing on of his Mother a month before the gathering made it possible financially that we actually could be there with Diana in the Turtle Lodge. It was also him who I asked for blessings first that one day, I was so confused by the question if Christianity and the old Native moon ways could go together.
After the retreat at 6 Nations, I stayed 2 days in the Sacrborough Missions. It was very interesting to see and talk to lots of priests and see pictures from their work all around the world. And I could use the internet and answer emails for one whole day without having bad feelings or someone disturbing me by accident.
Thank you Father Terry!!!

Elders & Youth

One of the most important Ceremonies we did where the ones for the elders and the Youth. And they were so simple but so powerful that almoust everyone cried a bit
one morning Diane asked the elders to sit in the west of the turtle lodge and asked us the young people to walk raound them and give them our love, pad them with Eagle Feathers and Rattles etc. Then she and her people were chanting blessing and healing songs while we did that. Lots of the old people lost some tears. It most have been very emotional for them.
The next day she asked the elders to stand in a line out side and all the young people could line up in front of who they wanted and receive a blessing from their elder. They also were singing healing songs and blessings while this happened. This time I was "durchgeruettelt" = shaked through my bones.
Somehow for everyone it felt like a circle was completed. It was sooooo...... good.

Other ceremonies we did / other teachings we received: ( you can get details of them on request)
- Ancestor Ceremony (get in contact with an ancestor)
- Sweat lodge for man and woman at the same time
- How to prepare a Sweat Lodge
- Story of Peace maker and the great Law of Peace
- Moon Lodge specials
- 7 Ways that come with the Animals :
Eagle ( Love) Bear ( Courage) Buffalo (Honety and Respect) Wolf ( Humility) Sasquatch (Transparency) Beaver ( Wisdom) Turtle (Truth)
- Spiritual Discipline - how can you become a spiritual Warrior
- Praying
- Facilitation
- Fundraising

tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a day of purification and healing, including my first sweat lodge etc.
I wount update this blog for a few days now I guess, but try to write down as much as I can in my book and put it online later.
Thanks to all of you who are walking with me on mother earth.
I will hold you close in my prayers.

the afternoon

After a great vegan meal and a rest under the trees we went back to the turtle lodge and received some teachings about the traditional ways.
It was a preparation for a ceremony outside, next to a chicory tree, that has been struck by a lightning twice.
We gave our respect and prayers to this thunder tree, drinking some cedar medizine first and then asking the spirit of this tree one question, one at a time. Some people got answers, I just felt the tree but was too busy with thinking, so I could hear any voice.
I guess I really need to start a meditative life to learn to empty my mind in a better way.
After this everyone could go to the land by them selves. I made a small medizine walk, crossing a threshold (like I learnt from my friend Tobi) and cuddled up under a young birch tree. The flowers at this meadow were amazing.
Ad I felt strongly that love, unconditional love is the answer to my question of how I can regenerate my energy that is lacking since a couple of months.
asante - Thanks.

1 day with Leading Earth Woman

(The shower was great in the morning, finally I could wash my hair)

After a great breakfast we were invited to the turtle lodge with the sacred fire for our first ceremony.
Everyone introduced themselves and some people told a lot about who they were and shared their stories.
Diane Longboat opened the space with a pipe ceremony and a song.
One traditional man, whos english name is Mike (the one who defends gods people) told his story of growing up, being beaten many times because of his traditional upbringing of his grandparents. And becoming a chief for his nation. He shared the story of peace maker with us. And encouraged us to live peace in our daily lifes.
What stroke me most of his story was that peace maker was giving the nations the words of peace and the big law of peace.
So the words were important, but first he had to prove himself so people were listening to him.
the other thing that stood out for me was the mentioning that because of a lack of identity people were drinking and doing drugs.
And for me this identity includes the knowledge of where we are coming from, the paths of our ancestors (thats what they emphasize a lot) and also of where we are going, the future (thats what I emphasize a lot) and i guess also of what and how we are doing things on this earth.
One last thing he said was, that we are all children of this earth, where ever we walk it, and we need to bring alive the ceremonies of the land we were born.

there was much more they said about peace and its development. I wish so much Annie could be here. I am holding you very close in my heart and prayers, I hope it will reach you somehow and bring some healing to you as well.

Niagara Falls

I took a cheap bus to the US side of the Niagara Falls after arriving at the Buffalo Airport.
Then walking with my heavy back pack over the rainbow bridge. And there it was like 3 years ago, the falls. Very touristy place but still heart touching. Reminding me that I still need to see the falls between brazil and Argentina.
A beggar showed me the direction to the highway to Hamilton.
A few hours later after 3 rides (people carrying for me and picking me up in a very amazing way) I arrive at the turtle lodge in Ontario, close to the rezervation of the 6 nations.

WSYC

The Wolrd Spirith Youth Council is invited by the Mohawk tribe to join their ceremonies and discuss their action plan further.
The WSYC is a group of young leaders and mentors all around the world who live Spirit in Action and want to encourage and inspire other youing people to become aware of their connection to their inner development with outer action. - and simply dare to talk about spirituality in daily life. And not stop there, but live it, connected with 1000s of other young poeple doing the same with mother earth.
(please contact me if you want to get to know more)

- I am on my way to Toronto. I took a later plane because it was over booked and they were looking for volunteers offering a 400 USD voucher for a future flight.
I feel very sleepy. - maybe a symptom of the past months.
Though, I do feel very far away a special part of me starting to wake up.
Blue Thunder Woman is calling.
And I will need some time to transfer and reconnect to this part in my self, that has been sleeping the last months.

Alaska

Waking up in a different world.
Alakshak - one of the names the natives call this country in the north.
I am finally back home in Homer, Alaska.
in Kachemak Bay.
The Kilcher Homestead, 600 Acres of beautyful land, meadows and arctic rain forrest that reach the ocean, black sand beach, due to the coal laying on the ground.
8 sisters and brothers that were appointed by my grandfather Yule Kilcher to take care of it and bring alive the vision of a community living the simple life in partnership with the land. Ruthie his wife and him, were part of a group of young people in europe that wanted to to find a place in this world to survive wars and live with the land in the 1930ies. Only them made it, and gave life to 8 children, of whom Wurtila my mom is the second oldest.

Now I am back.
It has been 8 years.
8 beautyful busy years, in which I graduated as a nurse in Switzerland and was involved in many youth projects around the world, as well as helping to organize and build up Eos, Idem and conferences and other projects for the Youthsection of the School of Spiritual Science...
8 years of just sleepy observing the development of bringing the vision and dream of my grandparents in to action. Crashimg with reality of too sensitive emotional connections between the brotehrs and sisters, their children, my uncles and aunts.
me and many other cousins are waiting for the right time to get involved, hoping that it woulnt be after the 8 have died.

I am here with Dave.
Great man, golden warmth love creating heart.
Checking the possibility for him to farm at the homestead next year and me using this place as a future home base for my coming activities.

It was a good week:
Helping my parents at their homeside to put up a moose fence to protect young birch trees to grow.
Seeing most of my uncles and aunts.
seeing some of my cousins.
Breathing in the smell of Alders and Pushky plants.
Greeting the sea eagle and moose and other animals.
Being mirrored of many aspects of my self through my relatives.
Making fire in a wood stove.
Having conversations with Dave, getting closer to what connects us.
Preparing my trip to Canada on the 6th of September and scheduling my return ticket for September 18th.
...

dancing in the sand

I am dancing in the sand
Barefoot
My eyes are closed

You see the glass splitter
Mixed
You would like to warn me.

While watching me
Dancing
To the music inside my heart
Sharing
My smile with the rest of the world
Dancing
So free and bautyful

You take off your shoes
Starting
to dance with me

And suddenly you feel:
Our feet
Are not touching the ground.


(A song I wrote many years ago inspired by a poem on a postcard from my friend Lisa. I think it was 1999)

small review of April

- again and again England
- Mehmets book & Book launch Party in London
- The pomise to try not to do last minute organizing again and sucking in people...
- boys who confuse me
- Working like crazy in the hospital in Switzerland to make money
- Crazyness
- longing for normal
- transforming into a travel agency
- good bye to my mac, live happy with my Mom and Dad!
- starting to see old friends again
- becoming confused about my close future
- finally reading good books again ( "Just another Mzungu passing through" (Kenia), "Kamschatka" (Argentina), "A 1000 splendid suns" (Afghanistan), and a romantic novel playing in Monaco ;-) - those were the fun and dramatic ones, I also managed to start to read some more sientific ones like "language of wondertales" and a research about culture in Kyrgyztan and another cross culture book I got from Bill, that is really good but not easy to read for me)

little big inner step

May 1st,
a conversation with my Dad
then an earth quake (inside me) and tears.
(more then pms?)
The cause:
The astral body is NOT the soul. The ego, the "I" is the soul. And this "I", the soul roots in the physical body and blossoms in the spiritual body.
(for you it might be clear and nothing special, but for me it was shaking my whole world - I always thought that astral ment soul and ego spirit.)
The ego is the nucleus of the soul, and the astral and the the soul body create the body in which the soul can unfold. The soul, the "I" is an dynamic principle. Its the "I am" and our work is to build this soul, the "I", the "ego" and protect it. It is the bridge between the spiritual and the physical world. And the physical means including the physical body, the etheric life body and the astral body.
Complicated issues full of contradictions if you read it in the "Theosophie" by R.Steiner, which alsways bugged me. All those schemes that didnt make sence in comparison if you thought that the astral is the soul...
Well, I am digesting this at the moment, but I feel that I have done a little step forward.
;-)

Mehmets Book - the power of dreaming

Amidst all the terror shocking the world at this time, the various wars in the Balkan, Afghanistan, Palestine, China and Iraq, and the many fingers pointing to Bush and others, Mehmet, a young kurdish Assailant from Turkey, tried to see the leaders of our nations as human beings.
As he was a poet and writer back in his home country, he was wondering what their favorite poems were!
Believing in this and dreaming of a book that gathers all of the world leaders favorite poems together, he started the hard work to write to every single one asking them for a contribution.
The book has been five years in the making. Mehmet does not speak English, and so used translation websites on the internet to compile letters to the various prime-ministers and presidents. Amazingly, some did reply, and the book is able to boast contributions from the likes of Tony Blair, Ariel Sharon, Abdul Kalam, Gerry Adams and Rhodri Morgan.

Now the book "World Leader’s Favourite Poems" will be puplished in England through Parthian books in April.

It is an amazing example of the Power of Dreaming,and not giving up.

It is a call for youths to contact their own country’s leaders and ask for their favourite poems, creating an international drive for peace through this step closer to our leaders. This publication of this anthology could become just the beginning of a worldwide project.

Here some links to articles that were puplished in ENgland about the book:

http://www.thebookseller.com/news/55348-poetry-meets-politics-at-parthian.html

http://books.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,,2265483,00.html#article_continue

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/poetry/article3646318.ece

...

.....

Bill Young - arriving in England

I meet Bill at the Storytelling course in the Emerson College. As soon as I saw him I felt a connection to him. He just had come back from a trip to Palestine. He worked as a child psychatrist.
He had brougt me to the airport leaving to Kyrgyzstan and now he picked me up again.
It was a good closing circle, felt very safe.
I spent 2 days in his cottage outside of London trying to digest some things of the trip.
And what can you wish more then having someone who is genuinly interested in what you have experienced during your trip and you can share all of this?
He was a very good listener and realy helped me through who is is and doesnt really know himself sometimes to transfer back into England and Europe, remembering me of my connections here. He unconsciously also started to build already a bridge into the future. ME being in Basel working as a nurse again for some months.
Rahmat! Bill- Thank you!

my adventourous trip back to Almaty testing my patience and trust

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.
The hotel taxis to Almaty were all more then 3000 Som (90 USD)
So at around 10.30 pm I decided to take a taxi to the Autovaksal to see if I find somthing cheaper there. It was a bit risky because my flight was at 8.20 Am in the morning and Almaty at least 3-4 hours drive away.
And indeed, there was a night bus to Almaty for 300 Som
I even got a window seat so I could sleep better.
No one spoke english so I asked with my hands when the bus would arrive in
Almaty and they said 6AM. that was a bit tight, but I felt it should be ok.
Then the adventure really started. It was a real test in patience and trust.
The bus didnt lave until 24.30h, when we arrived at the boarder we stood
there for 2 hours and nothing happened, even the bus driver went to sleep,
and because of the language problem no one could explain me what was going
on. So I told my self, keep cool, you will arrive there in Almaty at the
right time. The spirits are stil with you. And I listened to the CD I got
at the Ceremony in town. (I would love to find out more about this music,
where it comes from etc...)
Then when I thought if the bus isnt through the boarder at 3 AM I need to take a taxi
...
we eventually moved and left the border at 3.20 AM
Every 1/2 hour the bus seemed to stopp to talk to the other bus drivers
and some police or I dont know. I became more and more nervous.
Eventually we arrived at 6.20 AM in Almaty, I managed to get a fast taxi
to the airport, checked in and in the end I even had to wait a bit at the
airport, before my flight was leaving.

puh

;-)

connection dots with Apela

In the evening I went with Apela to her Hotel. She had invited me to join her in a small hawaiian ceremony were you drink a drink of a special root and talk.
When I asked her about her time in Alaska (she lived and worked there for more then 12 years) we found out that Dixie Belcher, an old friend of my grandfather is one of the best friends with Apela.
Wow
Another crossing is Hale Makua, an hawaiian elder whom I meet when I was 17 and had given me my hawaiian name. Apela and him worked closely together for many years.
Aloha
Then we have a very special connection with fire and crossings I still need to explore more with her tribe, Kyrgyzstan and myself.
Also her and my connection to Ethopian people still wants to be discovered of its meaning.
I was able to learn a lot from her and I am very grateful to have met her again.
Her website is http://wisn.org
And there is a possibility to do a Master in indeginous science in Hawaii!
.....

treatments

When we were back in the office after the ceremony in the back yard one of the elders treated my back with a very nice massage giving me a lot of energy.
And then out of the blue he started to tell me things. About a ex boyfriend that is thinking to me a lot and I to him, but that I shouldnt worry too much, because everything would become very good and I should stop thinking too much and dont get angry. And soon I would meet a person that would be able to really see-love me and support me strongly.

After this I went to see the woman who had helped me with my head ache during the ceremony, she gave me a kind of cranio sacral treatment for more then an hour.
We didnt have a translator, so I dont know too much of what she found out besides that because I am supposed to be a very emotional person my liver is suffering a bit.

my last day in Bishkek

I think this was one of my most special days of my whole journey to Kyrgyzstan.
I got my Visa in the morning. And spontanously decided to go to the Aigine research Centre office, instead visiting someone else.
When I arrived everyone from the team was there, plus Apela, Jildiz Bek and an elder I havent meet yet.
After the usual round of drinking Chai they told us that some elders had prepared another ceremony for us in the city and we have to come right now.
It was like a dream for me, I walked into the office "by chance" and a half hour later I was kidnapped into another reality.
We arrived in a backyard somewhere in Bishkek and were greeted by many elders, none of them had participated in our Uluu ot, but they said they did their own one in their region. That means there were at least 7 Uluu ot in Kyrgyzstan at the same time. They told us that spirits had visited them just a half hour ago. It was a spirit with a bison from north America that came and met Manas the spiritual figure from Kyrgyzstan and they huged.
They have heard that native americans and Kyrgyz people should be relatives but didnt really believed it until now when the spirits vistited them and told them as well.
A little while ago they had a vision at this back yard, and tried to put this vision into a graphic, showing the dawning of the golden age, the world religion coming to an end and the development of spirituality, the connection between man and heaven (universe)and the future symbols. They also had a graphic of a possible new world flag, with 7 circles in the rainbow colours and the yurt cross in the middle symbolizing the earth.
Then we had some Chai and lots of fresh fried bread. mmmhhm lecker
The conversations continued between some of the elders and Apela trying to tackle the connections between them.
She showed on her lap top some of the video clips with messages of the elders around the world and they all were really happy. Some of the Kyrgyz woman received some messages from the spirits which she told to Nur-Apa (Apelas Kyrgyz name)
They brought some traditional clothes for Apela, I got a head for young unmarried woman. Within all this seriousness and prayers and "downloading" messages from the spirits, cellphones were ringing and the elders picked them up, said something and then continued with what ever they were busy with before.
One of the leders and me had a strong connection. It was as both of us were looking into each others hearts and understood what was there.
After taking pictures with our new clothes and hats we joined the ceremony that was a special sequence of movements. It was the same movement Jildiz Bek did on the top of the hill at the sacred side where the Fire Ceremony took place 2 days ago (later they trained me how to do it, the words I still dont know, just the meaning and intention of it)
It was the fist time even the team of Aigine had participated in this kind of a ceremony.
We sat down again to have some more Chai. One man opened the car close by and turned on the radio. the most heart cutting music entered my body. Flutes and then a voice telling a story/prayer of man and the world. I closed my eyes, there was a kind of urgency in the voice of this music. For a split second I understood how I fit into this world and where I came from and will go into the future. So many things made sence all of the sudden. many puzzle pieces matched.
...
When the conversations started again I handed my flintstone, that had lit the Uluu ot over to Kyrgyzstan.
I choose to give it to the youngest woman of this new group, which had served us the Chai and bread. Her name was Lyra. She had a green clothes on her head. I had been able to serve the Uluu ot with the flintsone my older sister gave to me 20 years ago, now I had the feeling I had to pass it on. And who would be better then the girl who served us?
Everyone of us, even the most ordinary person, will fullfill their purpose at the right time at the right place with the right people. As my self with the flintstone in the mountains of Kyrgyzstan at Equinox and full moon on march 21, friday 2008.
And so will this young woman one day.

Back in Bishkek

After a 7 hours minibus ride I am back in Bishkek, once again in a internet cafe :-)
Tomorrow I hope I can pick up my visa to go back to Almaty in Kazakhzstan and on wednesday I will fly back to London.
Before I hope I will manage to meet the lady who treated my headache during the ceremony. And get some more treatment for my liver and meet the curative education home in Bishkek tomorrow as well.
One more day in this amazing country.
love you all!

Kyrgyz Stories

Soon be updated

Village life

The conditions are very similar to african villages I saw last year.
No running water in the house, but in the yard. Out house a bit away from the main house, my house had electricity and of course TV.
You cook with coal and fire.
The food is really good. I learned how to cook Plov ( i dont know how to write it) the hospitality amazing. when ever you have a visitor you need to offer some bread and Chai. And you share all the food you have.
If you are 21 and not married you are out of the concept, especially girls.
My host family had a 8 day old baby, totally wrapped in towels. Intersesting wrapping technick, also they way they use the towles for pampers adding some plastic so the pie cannot go through.
chickens in the backyard. FAther works with the farm, tehy have a lot if sheeps, the mother has a little shop, and is busy the rest of the day making a lot of things by hand. Soap, blankets, ...
their daughter, my host, lives in Karakol and runs the only internet cafe that is mentione din the lonly planet travel guide. She was a great host and helped me a lot to get around and made sure I ate a lot.
Puh I am gettimng fat here in this country.

Horseback riding

Things can change fast as the wind in the mauntains.
I decided to see more of the country and stayed with a relative of a girl I meet in Karakol one more night. She took me to her village and there it was what I was missing:
The wind in my hair, sparkle in my eyes and a fast horse unde me galopping over the fields beneath alpine mauntains.
You have to imagine pictures of the Mongolai you may have in your head if you think about me on this horse.
I was so exited that I booked the horse and the Kyrgyz guide again for the next morning, and instead of a taxi back to the town we went there by horse.
I love fast horses and I am not happy about my leggs aching after this 3 hours ride.
But the sore muscles are definetly worth it
:-)

Karakol - easter a bit different this year

I am in Karakol right now, a city close to the lake.
I am accompanying Apela for 2 more days. Right now she is talking to a biologist and I got 1 hour to write this blog.
Tomorrow I will greet the sun. This year easter has been a bit out of order for me. But I did all elements my family is doing normally at easter, just this time on different days insted of sunday. Going to get water to wash your self and drink at easter sunday in the morning before sunrise. Burning an easter fire with the dried and safed Christmas tree, collecting eggs (this time garbage;-)sing a song, having breakfast...
On friday a lot happened. It was equinox and full moon at he same time and friday.
Great times lay in front of us.
Rahmat - Thank You all for being with me!

The day after

After breakfast ( we all slept in a russian sanatoriuam nearby) we meet in a hall to share our experiences.
Greetings from other elders from around the world were passed on through some videos.
Pete and the mexican woman had to explain what they did and why yesterday, because some people didnt understand their role and what they did and their prayers meant.
Kyrgyz elders passed on their greetings and the most famous Kyrgyz philosopher explained about the symbols of the circle (the sun) and the square ( 4 corners of the world) and the relation to the native mericans and Japanes natives. Long time ago it was just one family, they use the same symbols until today.
Itwas good to hear them speak, I missed it a bit yesterday. It was also asked to share critics, because it was the first ceremony in its kind at this place and it will need improvement. Some people did in a very kind way offereing their knowledge of what they stillremember of their ceremonies.
I send greetings from my parents and thanked for the invitation and shared my experience of he fore liting the night before. I also spoke about Tibet and all the people that are demostrating at the moment. All of those things are a sign for me taht the time is come were we have to stand up and show our selves and not to hide anymore. May this fire purify us, transformus and unite us with our selves, the world and the people around us. May this fire keep burning in our hearts for all the generations of the future to be passed on.
Schutzengel mein
behuet uns fein
Tag und Nacht Frueh und spaet
bis unsere Seele in den Himmel eingeht
Schutzengel mein
behuet uns fein
Amen

The fire ceremony

We all walked tothe prepared wood pile. It was already a bit late and it seemed no one really knew what would happen.
Camera lights were flashing and disurbing me terrible. Someone aske dfor silence.
We, the 3 woman, Apela a native american, a Kyrgyz woman and me started to prepare the 3 little nests for the sparks to jump in.
Pete from Washington DC sang the native american dong for the fire spirit to awake and then we started to get some sparks out of our 3 different flintstones.
My was the first to catch flames. I put it under the wood and it started to catch the fire. I helped the other two to give some sparks from my stone. In the meantime my little fire died in the big pile, but Apelas started to catch and the flames grow.
A sigh of reliev, but then - the fire didnt find enough air or branches, only the spirits maybe know what happend, and the fire died. As fast as possibe, almoust a bit hectic the 3 of us were preparing a new nest for some sparks that cought fire quit fast and I pushed it as deep as I could under the branches inside the pile. The branches cougt fire and all of the sudden some kyrgyz boys and man jumped to us and put some more branches on it. And then the flames became stable and Uluu ot was lit aain for the first time propably since 40.000 years or more.
It only burned when everyone came together. It was so beautiful and I still cant find the right words to describe everything.
Many peopel shared their prayers and wishes. The Koran was read and Manas chanted.
I played a little song on my flute and then walked on top of a little mauntain to look at the moon, the voices of prayer in the backround.
My headache became stronger and stronger, finally it also effected my stomacheand I puked behind the Moschee into a little hole and covered it with earth afterwards. Now I felt a lttle better.
We watched the fire until it was burned down, also because of my headache everything was a little bit unreal. But it definetly happened!
:-)

My flint stone

Around 20 years ago my older sister Saskia gave me a flintstone she got on one of her travels in the USA.
I always kept it with me. Since a couple of years I took it with me on all of my trips. So it traveled with me to Argentina, Brazil, Japan, USA, KEnia, TAnzania, Palestine, Israel...
Sometimes I was laughing about myself. "why would I carry this with you, do I really honestly think I will someday end up in the wilderness without any matches and then will need it to lit a fire?"
But I always took it with me, in the top of my back pack. Before we left Bishkek, Apela and the Kyrgyz people were training to lit the fire with their flint stone, but experienced trouble. Without thinking to much I said I also have one, if you guys want to try it with this one. I took it, Apela was stil trying to do it with the other really old one, blowing into the glimm in a bed of moos and other good burning material. I was doing it more out of curiousity, one strike into the material and buuuuuuuuum it ws in flames. Everyone including me were super surprised.
So right away I was appointed from the leader of the Aigine research centre to join to lit the fire. Which I did together with Apela and another Kyrgyz woman yesterday night at midnight looking at the full moon shining at the majestic mauntains.
Before I came here I knew I would learn a lot from this amazing country and people, but I didnt know what I could contribute to this transforming fire and why exactly I had to come to join it live. So now this question is answered, as well as why I was always carrying the flintstone with me, my sister gave to me 20 years ago.

Mazars

There are many sacred sites in Kyrgyzstan.
They are called Mazars and always have a guardian who takes care of the place.
We left Bishkek around noon and drove in small buses for 5 hours to the one that would host the Uluu ot - the sacred fire ceremony in the night.
The snow mauntains in the back, the blue blue lake on the side and earth hills and canyons with us inbetween. There was a memorial close by and a little moschee, the half moon on the top reflecting the sun and later on the full full moon.
We were invited to sit around a carpet and were served bread and tea. All woman had to cover their hair and some of us had brought also skirts to wear to honor the religion and place.
We wlked into those hills and canyons. People explaining in russian the history about the place.
I walked around a ruin and just sat by myself.
Looking towards the mauntains and the sun setting, feeling the earth beneath me, breathing. Observing to silhuets on a hill nearby doing some movements that could have been a kind of Tai-Chi. They were running on top of the next hill. It looked like that they had a lot of fun. Ifelt a bubbeling joy inside of me. Jumped to my feet and of I went, leaving the other people behind me that followed some path in a canyon and run after the 2 man.
One of them spoke a bit english. We run and jumped from hill to hill. Until we came to a place with some snow left and a big biiiiiiiig old tree. I think it was a willow, at least 100 years old and a little spring between her roots.
They told me that this was a very sacred place. We washed ourself with the water and drunk some. It tasted a bit salty and very rich of minerals. We kneelt down and they chanted a prayer, I contributed with the Guardian angle song my parents sang to my sisters, brother and me when I was a child. We tried to listen to the water in the tree. And were silent for a while. Then we made our way back, meeting more trees and dwells under them, but none of them was that big.
Also people here in Kyrgyzstan - at leastsome of them have lost their connection to theearth, some cocacola bottles and garbage laying around at the sacred sites. The 3 of us all started to pick up everything we saw on our way back. It was like looking for easter eggs, everyone trying to see the next piece of garbage before the other.
I am so grateful for those to man from Taras. They felt real and awake, no hokuspokus around them and they have showed me some of their country in a very special way.

Pictures

On thursday night we went to a traditonal Kyrgyz restaurant with really nice food, china meets russia kind.
When we left I forgot my photocamera on my chair. 1 hour later when I returned to look for it, it was gone. I guess someone needed it more then me.
I also remembered that once Elizabeth Wirsching, a friend of mine, told me, that when she was young traveling in Afghanistan she also lost her camera. And looking back it was the moment when she started her inner journey, and for this you dont need cameras.
So maybe I hope the same will happen to me, having lost the camera being the symbol to travel inside as well going to the fire in the mauntains.

Uluu ot

We did it. The fire was lit when everyone worked together.
I will post everything soon.
love you all
greetings from the great lake in the mauntains.

2 day in Bishkek

I meet Apela Colorado, the hawaiian woman that co organizes this Uluu ott event, the sacred fire ceremony, in the Aigine Research center in Bishkek yesterday.
I thought we would leave to the mauntains today, but we are not. We will leave tomorrow. Some people here in Kyrgyzstan are trying to forbid the ceremony. Nobody know at this time if we will be able to really do it there.
Soon I will go to see a museum with Apela and I hope I will be able to stay again with Ruedi for one more night.
The mauntains here are just amazing. Cannot wait to show you guys pics.
Please send prayers to Tibet. It says that the current demonstrations are bigger then the time when the Dalai LAma had to leave many years ago.
Its trouble time and we need to take care of our fires and teh fire of the world.

Bishkek

At the Kyrgyz Embassy in Almaty I meet a great couple (Kasach woman and English man with baby) that helped me to translate for the visa and find the bank where I had to pay for the Visa etc. Then they invited me for lunch in a sushi bar, the bill went to the business account of the man, who works for a oil company. Then I slept for one hour in their home, before I picked up my VIsa and took a marschrutka (small bus) to Bishkek, crossing the border at 9pm.
Wow 4 countries in 24 hours (England, Netherlands, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan)
My Swiss host Ruedi I meet throufg hospitalityclub, who lives here since 6 years is an expert in Oekological building. Great conversations.
The next morning his room made Julia showed me the town, I managed to change some money and in the evening I ate Rabbit meat for the first time in my life. It was actually really nice.
;-)

Almaty in Kazakhztan

When I googelt flights to Bishkek in Kyrgyzstan I found a special offer from KLM to Almaty. It sayed it was just a few hours by bus from Bishkek to where I have to go.
And it was a lot cheaper then direct flight to Bishkek, where you can get a visa upon arrival at the international airport.
So I booked it. Sunday 2.50 pm I would leave London via Amsterdam to Almaty. Friday arrives and I find out that Almaty is in Kazakhstan and not in Kyrgyzstan. And they have different Visa policies.
So I ended up not knowing if I can go at all and maybe loose the ticket, because it was a non refundable one. A nice guy at the KLM counter at Heathrow Airport let me change it to Monday and with the amazing help of Bill, who I meet at the Storytelling course I managed to go to the Kazach embassy and miraculous got a visa within 2 hours.

So now I am sitting in a cafe in Almaty with Hifi. Waiting for the Kyrgyz Embassy to open and I hope I will get an express VIsa there too. Then I have to find the Bus station and a bus to Bishkek where I will stay with a friendly hospitalityclub host.

Central Asia - I am coming.
(I wish my little sister and her ability of speaking russian would be with me, I have seldom traveled that unprepared. Andventures ahead of me I guess...)
Thank you Universe for sending me all this support and helpers so far.

More soon.

www.onesacredfire.org

When I got the invitation to join the sacred Fire Ceremony in Kyrgyzstan and people offered me to help me pay the flight I could not say no.
So I am daring to do this step in my life, maybe it will be a detour on my path, but it will be a beautiful one.
Why am I going there? What can I contribute? I definetly will learn a lot. And I trust that my feet carry me the right way.

Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
(Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

catching up with Thomas

this last weekend I went to Cambridge to see Thomas, an old friend of mine from South Africa, I havent really talked to for at least 3 years. It was great to catch up and talk stories of our life. And the never ending theme will always be love.

In the evening we and some other friends went to see the Rumi night performed by Ashley and Duncan.
If you havent heard of Rumi, check it out. He is one of the most amazing poets speaking about love that lived 800 years ago and his messages are more true then ever.
I am sure you will find some of his stories on this blog soon.

I am looking for someone to build worlds with...

I am looking for someone
To build worlds with.
Someone who loves me
Someone whom I can love.
The sun is a star.
Imagine
Two suns meeting each other
To create
Create
Creation of love
Forever
Changing remaining
Destiny evolving
Truth
EVRA KAADABRA
I shall create as I speak.
The wind will tell our story.

(JEM)

At the horizon...

Here is a little taste of a new/old story I am working on right now.
Just the beginning:

Once upon a time, not in this time but another time, in the middle of turtle island, where big pine mauntains silently watch over the heart of their wolrd, and the rolling prairie stretches towards the horizon, a hoop around you, where mother earth meets father sky to make love...this circle is honored by the people sitting around the sacred fire, connected with their hearts, alive, couragous, fierceless, golden hearts.
Gold. Gold. GOLD.
"hey brother, dont you hear, there is gold in the Black Hills. Lets go to make a fortune...!"
And so the indian wars came to a climax. The biggest, richest and today empty goldmine of the United States, bigger then the any goldmine found in Alaska, the land of Gold Adventures, attracted 1000ends and thausends of hungry man and woman to break the circle....
So the Lakota, Nakota and Dakota, in our language called the Sioux Nations and many other tribes gathered around their chiefs Sitting Bull, Crazy Horse, Red Cloud ...
And in Summer 1876 meet the strongest cavalry, the 7th cavalry under General Custer at the Little Bighorn.
Hokahey - lets go! iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiihh
Like a thunder they were in between them. Many skalpes to hunt.
It was a good day to die.
And for the first time the american army was defeated by the red nation. The pinnacle of indian power.
4 years later, on a bone chilling morning, a group of 350 Sioux were camping at a river close to the badlands. At the river of Wounded Knee...
...
With a sream she awoke. The butchered woman and children still crystal clear before her eyes. She still could smell the gunpowder in her nose, the dream was so real.
Too real.
.....
A half a year later a girl stands with a card borad sign on a street in Chigaco. She was about to hunt a dream, the dream before her nightmare and to close a circle.
Thanks to many great truckdrivers within 2 days she finnaly came close to Pine Ridge, one of the biggest and poorest Indian Reservations of today.
10 feet away from her she can see the sign, marking the boarder to the land of the Lakota. SheThe sun is setting, the wind blows stronger and stronger, whispering with the voices of the spiritsin the grass. She knows it is important, but she doesnt understand the language. She just knows the wind is calling her.
A car stops. A trailer full of pine trees from the black hills. Two man get out. Dallas Chief Eagle and his son Little Sun. They invite her to stay at their farm. And at the next morning Little Sun takes her to the Site of Wounded Knee.
Its a little Hill with a memorial. A bit kitchy. She sits under a tree and tries to connect to that place and to what had happened, not only in 1890 but also in the 1970ies. the wind is calling.
Little Sun and the girl walk of through the high grass to a small hill next to the memorial hill. Back on back they stand. For what seems a long time. She almoust cannot hold teh weight of Little Sun, the hands grab each other, the feet root to the ground, the wind is swirling through the grass, the whisper of the ancestors, teh spirits.
And all of the sudden the feeling: WE ARE FRIENDS. the certainty and a voice within states very clearly, WHAT EVER HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST, IT IS OK. WHAT MATTERS IS THE FUTURE AND WHAT WE DO NOW!
A bubbling joy arises in me. Little Sun feels the same. A big smile is reflected in my eyes.
This circle is closed.
It is a good day to die today. lets live!


More

Global Passage Ways

The first international Phone conferences between the young people of "the next generation council" happened.
It is so amazing that there are so many young and old people in this world working with the subject of Rites of Passage today and together we will be able to raise the awareness for the importance of it!
More information soon!
I am so happy!

getting sick

This last week I was battling with getting sick with a heavy cold. Should I let go and stay in bed or do I say I am not sick and therefore continue in class. It ended up a half half situation. So after a few days being in the same clothes without shower and a stuffed nose, lucky me so I couldnt smell me, I decided not to go to Stroud to visit my aunt Karin, also not to go to London to the Youth Meeting. Instead I went to lousy East Grinstead, big as Schopfheim maybe where I come from, and went shopping. I havent been shopping shopping for at least 2 years, maybe....
New shoes - Nice black for being in the city shoes: 34GBP, dancing high heels 3GBP, an orange lonsleves top 6GBP, black pants 5GBP, 3 books a 7GBP (The Alchemist, The Da Vinci Code, I set at river piedra and wept as presents for people here at Emerson College) and some other stuff ;-)
It was great.
Today I am much better, the sun was shining, it was really warm and I took a lot of pictures. You can see some of them at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=90581&l=d6527&id=750245222

a week later

wow
a week has past. My birthday seems to be long ago, so many things have happened. This week we were trying to find our authentic voice in my storytelling course.
This poem accompanied us.
I wrote it down from my memory.

The journey (Mary Oliver)

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice
though the whole house began to tremble
and you felt the old tug at your ankles
"Mend my life" each voice cried.
But you didn't stop
You knew what you had to do.
Though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations
though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
and the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,
there was a new voice,
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company,
as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,
determined to do the only thing you could do,
determined to save the only life you could save.

28th Birthday

On January 27th, a Sunday 28 years ago a desperate father was driving in his car through the evening traffic to get to the hospital in Loerrach. His wife in labor on the back seat.
Tuuuuuuuut tuuuuuuuuut, honking the horn, shouting to the traffic police: “my wife gets a baby. Let me through!”
The top of the head is already starting to become visible, the water is out, squeaking breaks, the car is stopping at the ambulance entrance, people rush out, put the woman on a stretcher.
At around 6.30 pm with the ringing of the bells of a church close by and slow soft snowflakes gently falling down a little girl is born.

Juliana Elizabeth Maria

This is the story I get to hear every year at my birthday. It seems in the end I was a bit in a hurry to enter this world.
I was the first born of my father, becoming the oldest of 4 children; and the second born of my mother, admiring my 12-year-old half sister like the best thing ever.

28 Years later, its again a Sunday, a warm sunny day in England, East Sussex, Forest Row, Emerson College.
I wake up with the smell of pancakes and a happy birthday song in dutch.
Aite, a swiss/dutch girl from Basel, who is also doing the course “the now of Storytelling” prepared the most amazing birthday breakfast for me. Raspberries, Fruits with yoghurt, orange juice, hot chocolate, Coconut juice. Heaven.
We listen to some great Ethiopian music while oralgasminging the breakfast. I open a package of my Dad and find 2 great books, 2 packages of Dave, one with the requested sage and the other one my birthday present – some wild rose oil and 2 great cards, Charly Chaplin and a heart, I have to admit I am romantic sometimes, so I melt into this memory. ;-) There is also a letter from my aunt Heidi a card from Aite and one from Marc from our course. I am so touched.
Sharing great stories and then taking of to a walk through the forest. Taking many pictures, seeing doves, listening to the birds. Following her with my eyes closed. Being seated on a wooden chair – still my eyes closed and a voice invites me to look at my kingdom – my life, being the beautiful queen on a throne looking on all the things that I have achieved and experienced so far, telling me that from now on I will be able to get to this place my self and wount need her anymore to show me. I open my eyes and a beautiful world, trees, grass; sunlight… is in front of me. The wind is blowing , striking my cheek, reminding me of whose sister I am.
Arriving at the college I listen to the beautiful tune of a guitar, played by Keenan, a secret friend here at the college from the USA doing the teacher training.
People start to come bye and pass their birthday greetings and wishes.
I enter my room, drop my bag, look around, go to the toilet, look again – something is different in my room and I look up: colorful balloons on the ceiling and a beautiful mobilee. 2 felted Butterflies and branches from a tree. Tal. It must be her, my special new friend from Israel. I go to check my emails. Greetings from Annie, Mom and Dad.
The email of my Mom starts very weird. It takes some seconds until I realize that she is quoting a letter I have received. “Dear Juliana, we would like to inform you that we will grant you 2000 euro to support your tuition fee for the storytelling course…”
I cannot believe it. I read it again. I haven’t heard from the Iona Stichting for a month, and now for my birthday this message. The letter is dated on January 16th. My Mom is great to keeping it for this day. I rush out to find someone to tell about it. I find Lara the girl who is doing trapeze here and has inspired me to do acrobalance with many people here at the college. I meet some more people. More birthday hugs and kisses.
I go for a walk with Jessica, an English girl converted to Islam. The air is full of spring. We come to a ruin of a land house. We sneak through the gate.
It amazing to think that people really lived in this house.
We find a little sunny place and I take out the sage to give some thanks to the spirits. I try to lit it with my sparker I got from my older sister when I was 10 or so. But I forgot the birch tree bark, so I start the little sage fire with a match. We smudge each other. She says an Islamic prayer. Its good just to breathe.
A voice of a lady brings us back to reality. She is the owner of the property, asks us if we cannot read the sign that says it is forbidden to go to the ruin and that it really is dangerous. I apologize and tell her I can read English but I still wanted to come here and thank her for coming to tell us this. She softens and we leave safely the property. On the way we go shopping for a great triffle – an English desert, that will feed hungry guests in the evening party put together from my friend Tal and house father Matt.
Back at the college the sun is about to set. More people come to give birthday wishes and kisses, I run for a tree with 2 boys. I almost caught the sun, its so good to sit on top of a tree again. We play hide and seek in different variations.
The sky is still painted in beautiful colors, Tal stays there with me. Without speaking we watch the horizon and the sky and the hills. I lay down to the ground, need to feel the mother below me looking up right into the eyes of my star, birthday star high above me, between 2 clouds. Remembering the star I saw a year ago, while dancing in a club in Nairobi, Kenia. Looking back to the horizon the picture is cut with a barbed wire. Pictures of War, Israel / Palestine, Prisons shoot into my mind. Remind me of all the pain that still is in this beautiful world. This disconnection. As if Tal is seeing he same things, she voices this pain. Her eyes returning from a journey from far away. Ask me where I think my angel is now. Pointing to the fact that she thinks, my angle is inside of me now. Later when we talked about this experience she said that she kinda saw my angle flying towards the sun. It must have been around 6.30 pm.
THANKS FOR ALL THE PEOPLE FROM MY COURSE WHO HAVE BEEN THINKING TO ME AT THIS MOMENT, HELPING ME TO CROSS THE TRESHHOLD.
On the way to my room I stop at Oaktree house. Looking for Amy, an American girl that I heard had a tounge piercing removal ceremony. I want more information about this.
She is in her room with an friend and tells me her story. Its an amazing story that takes us to many places I never expected to hear about. Full of woman power and celebration.
Both of them agree in helping me later on a special mission.
I go back and make myself a little bit something to eat. The girls come. I take a candle, we find some rubber gloves and off we go through the dark. Our goal is a little island in a lake nearby. Its private property. We have to sneak through their yard. The light flashes on us. We hurry to the dark, our feet slowly searching for the steps leading down to the lake. We cross the bridge. I greet the little tree. It is a good friend. I tell them the story of my tongue piercing. Almoust 7 years ago, after my car accident… Te story of Puuwaimele becoming Blue Thunder Woman and now being at Emerson College doing the Storytelling course, My teacher Roi who thinks I should take the piercing out, to see if my voice is changing. The candle is lit. I put on the gloves and I am able to take it out.
The metal pieces are sleeping on the ground of this lake. From the earth to the earth.
I am so grateful for my witnesses, without them I couldn’t have done this step.
Back in my room I go to take a shower and shave my legs and armpits. And then I put the wild Rose oil all over my body.
I go to check some more emails. And there it is, the prayer I have been unconsciously waiting for. 3 years ago I heard it for the first time from Carolin in Sweden and was able to tell a story for the first time again. “Hope for the flowers.” And now I get it from Dave who doesn’t know about this, and the old is over and the new is about to come. From now on I have to work for the relationship with my guardian angle. Consciously re establishing the connection to my guardian angle.
In the common room people start gathering. We have the nice raspberry pie and a weed free cake from Jessica. Everyone sings Happy Birthday. Many cultures many songs.
Elija from Israel suggests to put me on a chair to lift me up. They take me laying on the ground and throw me up. 28 times. I blow the candles together with Lisa from California. Her daughter became 21 today. Together we share the cakes with our friends.
She cuts my hair. Just a trim in memory to my total hair cut 7 years ago. Matt sings beautiful songs on the guitar. We hear a great story from Chris, about the bautyful river in Russia. We go to look to the stars.
It was a full day. A great day. A perfect birth remember day.

trauma demons

Free translation from parts of the book Samarkand by Olga Kharitidi.
The Book is AMAZING! Read it!

... The source of all illness and misfortune is trauma. And all of us are carrier of alive incarnations of those traumas. In the tradition of Usbekistan they call this alive bits "demons of trauma".
If something has hurt you very bad and you havent been able to accept this trauma fully/totally as part of your own personal story, this happening will become a gap in your memory. And if this trauma is repeated or very deep, a demon will start living in this gap.
Darwins law says "survival of the fittest. So the demon run by this law. In order to survive and grow bigger and more horrible they need to eat. Their food is fear and mainly pain. To get their nutrition they will do anything to create new situations in which this pain and fear will appear again and again. Very often victims become the one harming another one, doing the same thing they have experienced them selves. Repeating itself, nourishing the demon who lives in this gap of memory.
Our genes are cells of memory. Some of those memory gaps taken by a demon are inherited over generations. They blurr our memories. Our memory isnt whole anymore. The gap becomes bigger and bigger and provides unconcsiously housing for growing demons.
To gain victory over those demons means complete healing. Very often our bodies try to battle with them by getting "sick".
One thing we fear most is not the unknown - its the known. Its those demons we know too well and push them away. its the death after the death we need to fear the most. In many cultures they speak about it. After you passed on you will need to pass 7 doors and meet the watcher over the treshholds, meet your worst fears and look them straight into the eyes and say " I know you".
To prepare yourself for this to meet our "second death" and be free and reborn, we need to practise in the now.
By completing our memory, we will not leave any space for the demons to live. we need to tell our stories and complete our gaps. Some demons have been passed on over generations... if they dont get healed they grow, connect themselves and become collectives.
In traditional cultures the "rites of passage" played a big part in society. Before entering a new phase in life you had to go through an initiaton ritual that resolved all trauma nodes from the past and released the way to the future.
In our modern societies we have lost those ceremonies. Our modern societies dont know any means to help their members to get rid of trauma. So thats why those demons became so big, huge collective demons and the may will be more dangerous as those ones who just started the world wars.
But there are ways to meet this challenge.
If you start healing your own sufferings you can start healing your own people.
Give space to hear stories. Whole stories. Listen....

(I really recommend to read this book. Just reading it makes you more complete already!)

Cello

Instead of africa I played Cello. Its the first time since about 4 years. And the tones are still sounding not too bad ;-)
I also climbed a tree, and for those ones who know me very well - you know how muc I love trees and need the climbing. To top this marvelous day I spent also 2 hours doing Acrobatics with some people here at the collge and it was a breakthrough day. we could do many things we havent been able to yet.
great day.

Weekends

This weekend I stayed in Emerson College.
Enjoying my little room, listening to music and trying to catch up with some things from te past, I havent dealt with for some time. Tomorrow I will go back to Africa, Tanzania, diving in the memories and I hope to finish writing my report about the 3 months last year.
Karibu - welcome
what are your best memories from last year?

Januar Stimmung

Der Seele Schaffensmacht,
sie strebt aus dem Herzensgrunde,
im Menschenleben Götterkräfte
zu rechtem Wirken zu entflammen,
Sich selber zu gestalten
in Menschenliebe und im Menschenwerke.

The now of Storytelling

A Storytelling course at www.emerson.org.uk

What is the relationship between your life NOW and the stories and myths from the oral tradition of the past?
Which of those stories are asking to be told NOW to show the full range of our humanity?
What is the role of the storyteller and the power of the spoken word when the warmth of human encounter is often replaced by digital communication? 
How can our stories serve the communities and environments in which we live and work?

In this ten-week course we will explore The Now of Storytelling in three different ways:
*The Skills of the Storyteller – in-depth work on story structure, voice, gesture, movement and audience awareness.
*The Oral Tradition – from teaching tales to fairy tales and myth.
*Biographical Storytelling – shaping and crafting our personal stories as gifts to illuminate our human experience. 
Essential to this journey is a path of Inner Development, the on-going work of being fully present and bridging the gap between who we are and what we tell. Participants will be encouraged to develop their own distinctive style of telling in a supportive atmosphere with individual feedback and coaching. The working language is English for which fluency is required. Supporting subjects will include: clowning, story games, spontaneous storytelling and artistic work